As I continue my journey through Graffiti Summer
(you should really think about joining us here),
I know it’s not a coincidence this week has gone the way it has.
I felt like the world was caving in on me, I was trying to do a juggling act with burdens I had no business trying to carry. All in an effort, that wasn’t succeeding, to protect those I love.
In desperation, I voiced to my husband my frustration that I had no one to talk to!
His obvious dismay that he wasn’t my first choice to run to and pour out all my heartaches left me with no choice but to confess that one of my burdens was a miscommunication with him.
The most amazing thing about my relationship with my husband is that over the past few years, I have finally been able to become the “real” me!
I am not criticized for doing something “stupid”, for acting hyper (my normal speed), or for my many attempts to “Change the World”.
So, with a little trepidation I confessed my fears and feelings of failure. His chastisement of me didn’t last long, but was very effective.
As we talked over a beautiful sunset, realizing the true Bearer of all burdens in our midst, my husband pointed out the misconceptions in my thoughts.
I began to see that no matter what the severity of the trials or the battles we face, none are as debilitating as the ones that transpire in our minds.
My greatest Opposition to Victory turned out to be none other than, Me, Myself & I! I was sideswiped by “What ifs” and “What will they think?”
I was afraid to be honest with the people closest to me when I felt they rejected me or were offended by something I had said or done.
I was only hurting myself more. Sometimes my desire to save the world is pushed aside in my efforts to save relationships.
I love Alene’s take in Graffiti Study & Do,
“For most of us to step out and change the world, we are going to have to realize that world-changers change the world despite the struggles they are going through.”
I often use my past struggles and many mistakes as “real life illustrations” as encouragement of “What-not-to-do”, or “How I made it through”. I considered myself a semi-transparent person, willing to share when the need arose. I was probably the most surprised by the “stuffed down” struggles I was going through.
The best part about this revelation was the intimate conversation that it allowed my husband and I to have. A wall as formidable as Jericho’s was destroyed that night. We have a new level of communication no longer threatened by “perceived” thoughts.
The battle isn’t over. My inner struggles with Me, Myself & I will no doubt continue. The difference is now I know what to look for, and I refuse to make the same mistake twice. I may not confront every hurt, real or perceived, but I will not let them drag me down. I will turn them over to God, and lift the burdens up to Him in prayer.
After all, I have a world to change!